Are you ready to hear the boiling hot tea at John Carroll University? Two Carroll News editors meticulously investigated JCU to find the most secretive of secrets. Here are the real facts that they found:
Michael D. Johnson’s real middle name is Droid. Is he just a very advanced robot?
The clocktower turns red during Christmas time because it is on a critically low battery. We had better charge it.
Brent Brossmann is secretly in charge of the University. Johnson said, “He is in charge of everything else anyway.”
Radio Rebel worked at WJCU. “She was always doing that weird smirk thing,” Director Jasen Sokol said.
Professor Carrie Buchanan, also known by her students as Dr. B, is actually a bee.
Currently, no students are on campus…Odd. They all said something about a pandemic?
Many Greek life organizations are actually Italian.
Matthew Meyer, president of JCU Student Government, is actually responsible for Watergate.
*This article is satire.