With the start of the Spring 2022 semester, I’m officially a second-semester senior. Exciting! Terrifying! Heading into these last few months in college, I’ve done a lot of reflecting and I remember being a first-year, eager to take on all new experiences to dive into the JCU culture as much as possible. That said, it might be a good idea to have an archived top ten JCU bucket list items!

1. Win bingo! Monthly, SUPB fills the dining hall with snacks, friends, and wild prizes! I even talk about this event on tour; you’re a legend if you win! 
2. Explore Cleveland! The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, the Cleveland Museum of Art, and Playhouse Square are awesome ways to enjoy a culture-filled weekend!
3. Attend the silent retreat! When else can you willingly be silent for eight days?
4. Attend a Cleveland Browns playoff game! Too soon..?
5. Join Fraternity/Sorority Life! I’ve heard legend of something called Lambda Chi Alpha?
6. Walk across the quad! The rumors are false. Anyone that tells you not to cross it actually is a secret Mount Union student; do not listen to them. 
7. Do your best cannonball into the fountain! Legend says if you make a big enough splash, the 1963 senior class president brings you to the tunnels! And there aren’t any weird pool stickers that tell you not to dive! 
8. Lick Saint Ignatius’ sword! Absolutely nothing tastes better than the concoction of Natty Light, White Claw, and Truly residue on a cold Sunday morning! 
9. Read every book in the library! Grasselli is full of thousands of texts, I’m sure you can find a couple hundred to read instead of writing that paper you’ve been putting off! Or maybe sleep in the library overnight? It’s 24/7 during finals week!
10. Find the charger port of former president Michael Johnson! As previously reported, rumor has it that Michael Johnson was an animatronic. I’ve never been to the Computer Science floor of Dolan, but that sounds like a good spot to start?

*This article is satire.