Throughout my life, I have felt the weight of others’ judgment bearing down on my shoulders without relief. I typically watch what I do around other people, especially those that I do not know, to make sure that I will not be judged. Even as a kid, I waited to see how other people acted before deciding how I would approach a similar situation. Upon entering my second year at John Carroll, I hope to change my mindset on how I cast judgment on myself and how I see myself through the eyes of others.
This summer, I’ve felt more confident and in turn, have felt more comfortable in my skin. I was familiar with the people around me and was not afraid to act like myself in public. I work in customer service and found that I liked talking to customers and going “off script” when I got the chance. As I moved back onto campus, I felt worried that the ease of not feeling judged would dissipate and I would return to overthinking.
It is simple to head down the path of rethinking every action taken simply because I do not have someone reinforcing the fact that what we’re doing is an exciting experience. This need for companionship fosters an inability to be independent, which is the complete opposite result of living on campus.
To avoid this negativity, I decided that I would not do things for others, but would instead do things for myself. Last year, I followed the crowd and avoided going to events on my own, frozen by the fear of looking lonely or friendless. Now, I plan to go to every event that I want to attend rather than wait until one of my friends decides to go.
At a university like John Carroll, people are extremely welcoming and are not quick to judge based on one’s public appearance. With this in mind, I give myself small pep talks before doing something on my own to remind myself that the students on college campuses also want to have an interesting and adventurous college experience. Rather than taking a defensive approach to being on my own, I want to have an open mindset about meeting new people and sharing experiences with them.
Some of the best opportunities I have been a part of were the result of taking ownership of my college experience and throwing myself into an initially uncomfortable situation as a way of getting involved. That is the only reason why I am writing and working for The Carroll News and at WJCU 88.7FM. I knew I wanted to be a part of these organizations and rather than shying away, I took the initiative even with a pit in my stomach.
An open mindset will encourage me to be more confident throughout my second year of college and the upcoming different waves of life. I want to stop being afraid of new experiences, but instead cherish the opportunity to learn more about myself and others by putting myself out there.
