It just doesn’t feel right.

Every Friday, I make my way to John Carroll University’s Lombardo Student Center to record a radio show. During a normal week in a normal year, that would probably be my 15th time going into that building. Now, it happens once every seven days.

I typically thrive under pressure. The busier I am, the better off I become. So, it’s no surprise that I am having difficulty adjusting to this semester. 

JCU is a ghost town. The university looks like it’s been permanently shut down as school now consists of logging onto a laptop and staring at a screen. It is absolutely awful.

It’s not just the online classes, remote learning and social distancing. It feels like social isolation. I am caged in my bedroom attempting to learn when in reality, all that I am doing is learning bad habits. Instead of becoming more educated, I stare at the clock watching the minutes add up until my class is over. Because that’s what I want this semester to be: over.

I am so over COVID-19. I am over my life being halted. I can’t take the new normal. I want to go back to the way it was before. 

I know it’s selfish to feel this way, but I have done my part. Even as much as I disagree with several of the guidelines, I still wear a mask. I still socially distance. I don’t gather in big groups. Because I want this damn thing to be over.

I love John Carroll University. Undoubtedly, what makes John Carroll University so great is the people. And that’s what we have been deprived of … the people. 

When I make my weekly trip to JCU, it is just so depressing. I used to LOVE coming back to campus. There was so much life; students everywhere and so much going on. Now, all I see are empty classrooms and hallways. It’s lifeless.

And that’s how I feel: lifeless.

As much as I want to be my normal, cheerful, motivated and outgoing self, it feels like a chore. I can’t stand going to class anymore. It is truly so awful. And having no John Carroll sports is absolutely the worst part.

Usually, I dedicate around 40 hours a week to our sports teams between the Sports Information Department, my role here as Sports Editor of The Carroll News and my role as a member of the WJCU Sports Department. 

Maybe that is why this semester has been so unbearable: because I am used to exerting myself 16 hours a day between school, our sports teams and my extracurriculars.

The pressure that I usually thrive on is absent. Now, it is just watching the days go by, waiting for this to be over. I am exhausted putting all of my attention towards this virus. I want to be able to move on with my life and go back to feeling the exhaustion of long days of work. I miss embracing the grind. And I know our athletes do too. 

As a senior who was very excited about the experiences I had left at this amazing university, I hope we can all just do our part. If you feel remotely the way I do, let’s commit to putting this thing behind us and getting back to doing what we all love. 

Let’s all continue to do our part.