No one told me that college would be laborious. Maybe people did, but did I listen to the forewarning when I was younger? Nope, my pride blocked it out. I expected college to come with challenges, but I failed to anticipate the tiresome trials that accompany this experience.

As someone who genuinely enjoys learning, I mistakenly believed that I would be totally fine immersed in academia. I believed that I would thrive and figure everything out, no matter the difficulty of the course or the pressure I put on myself to obtain perfect grades. I thought, since I took College Credit Plus (CCP) classes in high school, I was already ahead of the game. It was a lesson worth everything because I was brought to a place of complete peace in discovering my true purpose.

With exams, projects, papers and extracurriculars, the average workload of a student can be a handful. I believe that the real journey of college is not the coursework itself but the work that is done to you, inside of you, during this period of intense and rapid growth.

The conjunctions, “but” and “yet,” may seem like filler words, but they are catalysts of growth. Believing these words have kept me going in times when I felt battered and drained. Instead of saying, “I can’t,” I’ve learned to rephrase my mentality to think, “I can’t, yet.”

This mentality originates from my experience in high school as a competitive cheerleader. When learning new tumbling skills, our coaches would not allow us to say, “I can’t.” If we were having a mental block, they encouraged us to overcome it by taking the necessary steps to gain the skill all the while maintaining a fruitful mentality.

I like this philosophy but I am going to add to it: I believe you can and you will, but sometimes shouldn’t. It’s not that you can’t, it’s that maybe it’s not right for you. You will know when it’s not right for you by simply feeling the discomfort in your heart.

When you ask yourself, “is all this pain and work worth it?” and the answer is not a confident yes, that should be an indicator that something isn’t quite right. Perhaps something needs to change in your approach to the task or perhaps the task itself is not meant for you to tackle.

Reading inspirational books, quotes and growing in my faith have helped me discern this distinction in life. One of my favorite nonfiction authors is Matthew Kelly and some of my favorite quotes from him are taken from his book, “Life is Messy.” It’s hard to select one quote from this book because I believe the content of it is best understood when reading it in its fullest, but I really resonated with Kelly’s perspective on the past: “Don’t let your past define you. It may be helpful to glance in the rearview mirror from time to time, but if you keep your gaze there for too long, you will crash.”

The simple application of “but” and “yet” are signposts that direct us forward. It’s important to acknowledge failure and setbacks, but more important to include “yet” to our inner dialogue if we are truly passionate about accomplishing the task. Here are other uplifting statements and questions that I’ve created:

• “I am not understanding this now, but I am willing to study and ask questions.”
• “I can’t do this yet, but I will work towards accomplishing it by setting aside X amount of time to practice.”
• “I feel like I am failing, so what can I do to recover and succeed?”

We all fail. We all make mistakes. We all crash and burn. I say this not only to reassure readers but to remind the perfectionist in me. What really matters is overcoming the fall, getting up and using the experience as a strengthening lesson—a reason to keep striding. If you are willing to go the lengths to conquer your calling, to say “yes” to the challenge, you are already heading in the right direction. Don’t give up; keep your faith as a constant in your life. It is the melody that we need to overcome the dissonance obstructing our righteous direction.