Diversions

What’s the tea at John Carroll?: A somewhat investigative report

Is this famous president a DROID?

Rachel Scully and Aiden Keenan
Dec 9, 2020

Are you ready to hear the boiling hot tea at John Carroll University? Two Carroll News editors meticulously investigated JCU to find the most secretive of secrets. Here are the real facts that they found:

Michael D. Johnson’s real middle name is Droid. Is he just a very advanced robot?
The clocktower turns red during Christmas time because it is on a critically low battery. We had better charge it.
Brent Brossmann is secretly in charge of the University. Johnson said, “He is in charge of everything else anyway.”
Radio Rebel worked at WJCU. “She was always doing that weird smirk thing,” Director Jasen Sokol said.
Professor Carrie Buchanan, also known by her students as Dr. B, is actually a bee.

ACTUAL PROOF THAT CARRIE BUCHANAN IS A BEE (BIOSPHOTO / Alamy Stock Photo)
Currently, no students are on campus…Odd. They all said something about a pandemic?
Many Greek life organizations are actually Italian.
Matthew Meyer, president of JCU Student Government, is actually responsible for Watergate.

*This article is satire.

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About the Contributors

Rachel Scully, Campus Editor

Meet Rachel Scully, one of our Campus Editors! Rachel is a senior at John Carroll University from Erie, Pennsylvania. She is a double major in Political Science and Communication with a minor in Spanish. Rachel is a former intern at The Hill with numerous stories published ranging from politics to celebrity news.

Rachel started writing for The Carroll News her freshman year in 2017. Later that year, she became the Editor of Arts & Life and continued working for the section until her senior year. She, then, accepted a role as Campus Editor.

Journalism has always been an incredible passion for her, whether it be writing, broadcasting or designing. She attended an arts school for her first two years of high school. There, she found a passion in design and writing while working with brilliant peers. Rachel later fell in love with broadcasting after attending classes at John Carroll and continues to strive for a career that incorporates all three.

Rachel spent a semester abroad in Ireland where she immersed herself in a variety of cultures while traveling around Europe.

In addition to The Carroll News, she is involved in Speech and Debate and qualified for nationals in After Dinner Speaking. Outside of school, Rachel's hobbies include backpacking, traveling, playing the ukulele and running. She plans to complete the Pacific Crest Trail or the Appalachian Trail someday.

In the future, she hopes to end up in Washington D.C. pursuing a career in political journalism.

You can contact Rachel at [email protected]

Aiden Keenan, Photo Editor

Aiden Keenan is the photo editor for The Carroll News and is a senior from Syracuse, NY. He is a double-major in Political Science and Communication Advocacy with a minor in Peace, Justice, and Human Rights. Outside of The Carroll News, Aiden serves as senior class president in Student Government and is the chair of the Residence Life and Facilities committee. He is also Vice President of Delta Tau Delta Fraternity! When not participating in one of his co-curricular activities, Aiden loves to give tours of JCU with the admission office, learn more about public policy creation, or catch a Browns game! After graduating, Aiden plans to attend law school to become an attorney and eventually hopes to enter into some aspect of national politics. Onward On!

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What’s the tea at John Carroll?: A somewhat investigative report

Michael D. Johnson’s real middle name is Droid. Is he just a very advanced robot?

The clocktower turns red during Christmas time because it is on a critically low battery. We had better charge it.

Brent Brossmann is secretly in charge of the University. Johnson said, “He is in charge of everything else anyway.”

Radio Rebel worked at WJCU. “She was always doing that weird smirk thing,” Director Jasen Sokol said.

Professor Carrie Buchanan, also known by her students as Dr. B, is actually a bee.

Currently, no students are on campus…Odd. They all said something about a pandemic?

Many Greek life organizations are actually Italian.

Matthew Meyer, president of JCU Student Government, is actually responsible for Watergate.

The Carroll News