Well, I made it. In spite of all the stresses, deadlines, tech weeks and essays, I have made it to the end of my John Carroll career and it is finally time for my self-indulgent senior reflection column.

If you had told young 18-year-old Brian that he would be editor-in-chief of The Carroll News, it would probably be the least surprising thing about his future college career. That’s not to say I was expecting it or always had that ambition in mind, but given that I was interested in journalism, it seemed like one of many natural destinations for my future.

What I never expected was to fall in love with the performing arts. During my freshman year, I took a swing and decided to attend an improv practice. I didn’t think much of it as I tried out about a dozen different organizations within my first month. But improv was the one that really stuck. I adored the process of getting in front of a crowd and making up a scene on the spot. It doesn’t have to make sense. In fact, it’s better if it doesn’t!

After a few months of improv, scripted theatre seemed like a logical next step. The problem was: JCU didn’t have an active theatre company at the time. Fortunately, that was soon remedied by Maddie Jarosz ’25 and Alissa Van Dress ’25. They were the founding mothers of the modern JCU Theatre Club. The arts scene on campus has changed so much over the past four years, but it wouldn’t be here at all if not for Maddie and Alissa. They have my eternal gratitude.

From the club’s first full-length show, “The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (abridged) [revised],” I’ve been involved with every production, either on stage or off. No matter how I’m involved in a show, I’m ecstatic to be able to bring art to life in front of a crowd. Every show has a story to tell and every creative team brings a unique perspective to it. No play is ever performed the same way twice. That’s the magic of performing arts.

Moving on to TCN, I began by writing movie reviews, as film was my main area of interest at the time. My very first article was a list of the top five movies of 2022, a ranking I am shocked to find that I still stand by for the most part. I continued writing about media for a few months before taking my next step into TCN by taking the role of opinion editor my sophomore year.

Back in those days, editors were required to write weekly columns, so my first one was aptly titled “What am I doing?” and revolved around the anxieties that came with my new position. I was afraid to have my voice put so publicly on our publication. I was never used to being in the spotlight. What if I messed up?

Being given an editorial role was the first vote of confidence I had ever been given professionally. For the first time in my life, I was expected not only to create quality writing, but judge the quality of others’. It was a lot of responsibility and I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. Three years later, I’m still getting used to it.

In my time at The Carroll News, I have written 75 articles, with this final column being my 76th. I went from opinion editor to campus editor, then from campus editor abruptly to managing editor. Now I’m the editor-in-chief. It’s a lot of responsibility and it can be very daunting. There have been points where I’ve felt like I was letting the paper down or like I wasn’t doing enough for it.

What I need to keep telling myself is that I was chosen for this position by people whose opinion I trust. They trusted me, so it’s only logical that I would trust myself. Even though I don’t always know what I’m doing, I remind myself that nobody really ever does. All anyone can do is trust their own intelligence to make the best decision they can possibly make. You don’t have to change the world. Sometimes it’s enough just to keep it spinning.

There you have it. My final thoughts as I leave John Carroll University. It’s crazy to think that even after four years, I still don’t know whether or not I should refer to professors by name and I’m still too afraid to get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of class because it feels rude to not ask permission. But that’s okay. Because nobody really knows what they’re doing.